This inaugurated a period of near-constant testing: I just needed to test and test and test. Maybe I could prevent these things from happening if I were vigilant—very vigilant. Maybe a CAT scan for my head, and then maybe a check of this and that? A mammogram, a colonoscopy, an X-ray. Was that rash a rash or was it inflammatory breast cancer? The internet is not great for health anxiety. But unfortunately for people with anxiety disorders, that drive to “make sure” doesn’t quiet the Fire marshall bill let me show you something shirt Although anxiety. If anything, “reassurance seeking” is the beginning of a miserable cycle. A test would quiet the voices, but sooner or later they would be back again. Just because my lungs were clear a month ago didn’t necessarily mean I was okay now. What was that pain? Anxiety for me really boiled down to the fear of living with uncertainty. I needed to know things were going to be okay; I couldn’t handle not knowing.
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